okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
