Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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