8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize