what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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