if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
