the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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