Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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