I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
