Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
