Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it was like eating out sand paper
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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