Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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