i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
