So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
