Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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