I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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