So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
