She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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