Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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