My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
