Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
