Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
