Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
