Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
