Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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