Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
