We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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