there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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