dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
