oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
