I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
