you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
