He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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