tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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