She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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