i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Randomize
