Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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