And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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