What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't deserve a penis
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
