Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
