Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
