something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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