I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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