so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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