Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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