She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
