Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
