There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
