I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
