Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
