I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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