no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
