Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize