we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
