i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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