is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We are all done wearing pants today
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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