I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
