She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize