i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
