I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
