if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
