your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
