Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
