So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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